WIP Files: Why I Can't Be President

Top Ten Reasons I Can't Be President

1. I'm homosexual
   For all the platitudes of fairness and race and gender having nothing to do with the '08 campaign (which is malarky), and everyone trying their hardest to look the most PC, if I were ever to present myself as a serious candidate for President, my campaign would be destroyed before it even got off the ground by my sexuality. So, don't for one second try to tell me that minority politics have nothing to do with it.


2. I'm not Christian
   A non-Christian president? American voters, except in Utah, wouldn't even give a Mormon a chance. I'm a member of a religion that is militant, elite, and could easily be spun as a sex cult. Enough said.


3. I smoke pot, and I don't plan to stop
   Something tells me stepping out on the balcony of the Oval Office to spark up a doobie would not go over very well with the voting public. I'd rock the stoner vote.


4. "Congress will never control me."
   I think FDR's entire presidency was framed by that comment, and I strongly reflect that sentiment in my political beliefs. I have made enough remarks in my personal life and on the Internet about my preference for being king over being President, I'd be tanked by it in a second.


5. I have a nasty temper
   Someone would bait me. I would fly off. It would be over.


6. I'm a socialist
   While I have primarily aligned myself with the Democrats, I'm really quite socialist in most of my beliefs. I've been fairly verbal about my belief that the most successful societies and governments on the globe right now are social democracies, headed by a monarchs. I believe the inherent tension of this relationship is what makes that success possible. I'd be destroyed by the media for this.


7. I've been very promiscuous
   This would of course be related to the gay thing, and it is in a way. But regardless of that, the simple fact that I have had sex with as many people as I have, many of them whose names I don't even know, would pretty much ruin my candidacy. Any attempts on my part to express my views on this would just make it worse. I have never been ashamed of or apologetic for my sex life, and I never will be. Moreover, it's no one's business. But, there is no way I could platform that in a positive light in modern American politics. No doubt it would also come out in the news that I have accepted money for (legal) adult services before -- but no doubt, it would sound a lot more like, "Presidential candidate was a hooker."


8. I'm A Terrorist
   I have been very active in two groups that are officially classified by the FBI as "urban terrorists." Again, more on the gay thing. ACTUP is one thing -- it is / was an AIDS activism cause that might pass muster as acceptable now. Queer Nation on the other hand is a militant, extremist, and very divisive organization that delights in gross violations of individual privacy (their main political tactic is outing people, even when it's not true and they have no proof.) I regret my involvement in Queer Nation and would happily take a do-over. This would probably cost me the gay vote, and simultaneously further trash my image with the homophobes, too.


9. Every political group would demonize me
   The liberals would hate me for my fairly conservative views on foreign policy and war. The conservatives would hate me for my extremely liberal social views. The moderates would abandon me in favor of candidates who were more solidly left or right leaning, versus my inverted straddle. Even though I know very well what I believe, and I don't see many contradiction, I would be seen as more of a mess than a rebel.


10. Oh yeah, and I'm a tax evader
    I have failed to file my taxes pretty much every time I have owed money to the state I was living it.

Regardless of this, I am using this little manifesto to launch my new OpEd / Essay series which I am calling: "The WIP Files: When I'm President." I hate the state of American politics. I find it all to be hypocrisy, grand standing, and egotism at the level of national hubris. We are going to destroy our own country by our own hand unless something is done to change the course we are on. I don't see anyone in the American political spectrum capable of even getting that ball rolling. I think George Bush has done more to prompt progressive social change than any Democrat simply by contrast. I think every time a truly independent thinker comes along they get blackballed out of the game. I think Americans as a whole are not interested in change, just in looking right. I think our government model encourages mediocrity. It's Tumbleweed Politics all day long. No one is willing to take a stand any more because no matter where you stand, unless it's in the middle, you get labeled as something bad or dangerous. And that's true on both sides of the liberal-conservative spectrum.